<3 N.S. Katherine
This is where it gets…complicated….
-R.D. Mundell
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I was sitting on the couch with Katie watching one of our favorite movies in the living room. My pocket vibrated and rang my message alert. I pulled my phone out and checked it.
“Who’s it from?” Katie chimed.
With shock in my voice, I answered, “Joe.”
“What?!” Katie sat up. “As in Joe JONAS?”
“Ya.” I said softly. “I didn’t think he would… I mean…”
“How did he get your number?”
“Well… you remember how I laughed when Robert asked you for number? Well I wasn’t only laughing ’cause it was funny… I was laughing at the irony.”
She raised an eyebrow at me.
“He asked for it after the concert.”
“AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!?” Katie hit me in the arm.
“Ouch. Well I thought he was just being polite. I didn’t think he’d actually call…”
“Or text.” She reminded me, pointing at my phone.
“Oh ya.” I hit the read button. It was a simple message. ‘How’s the foot? And the head…?’
It seemed a little awkward, like he was trying to start a conversation with me but didn’t know how to. I responded ‘I’m fine. All better. Was just a sever fracture. What is up with u guys? What r u doing?’ Was that too long? I barely knew him. Did I have any right to be asking him this stuff?
Katie leaned in and read my response over my shoulder. “What did he say?”
“He asked how my foot was…” I bit my lip.
“Well, send it.”
“You don’t think it’s too much?”
“No. It’s pretty simple. Not too intimate.”
I must have been over reacting. Maybe I was just nervous but I seemed really strange and awkward to send it.
A reply swiftly came. ‘That’s good. Not much is up here. We r just driving along on the bus… out in the middle of nowhere.’
I was never the one who shook when I was nervous, that was always Katie, but as typed out my response my hands shook.
Katie saw this and placed one of her hands on mine. “Are you ok? You’re shaking…”
“Ya. I’m fine.” I was shocked with myself and I took deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves.
Katie and I went back to watching one of our movies and I continued to respond to Joe’s texts. Joe and I talked about simple things like where he was, where they would be, what I was doing now and what I was going to be up to. Soon I found myself more at ease as we joked back and forth.
The clock read 10:35 when the movie ended and I got up and stretched.
“Night Katie.” I mumbled as I started to stalk off towards my room.
“Night. Don’t be up too much later talking to that boy.” She called after me.
“Whatever.” I called back.
I flopped down on my bed and my cat jumped up on the end and wandered up to me. My phone was in my hand and it vibrated, scaring Tia and sending her back about a foot. Laughing I opened the text, responded appropriately and added ‘But I have to go to bed… I have school tomorrow… I’ll talk to u later, ok?’
I woke up in the morning and started to get ready for school. As I brushed my teeth Katie trotted into the kitchen. She looked at me and smiled. Spiting in the sink I rinsed my mouth and my face, letting myself word a question.
“So,” I turned to Katie, who was still smiling mysteriously, “Did last night really happen… I mean… did I really text JOE JONAS?” I emphasized his name like it was unbelievable because, well, it was.
She laughed. “Ya, hon.”
“Well I’ll be dammed…”
“So…” Her voice dripped with curiosity, “What did you guys talk about?”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “Nothing really… Nothing important anyway…”
“Umhum.” She muttered at me as she turned to the food she was making.
“Really. You can read the texts if you want. My phones right there on the table.”
A smile pulled her lips up in the corners. Without a word she retrieved my phone and started reading.
As I sat in class, I couldn’t concentrate as my thoughts kept flipping back to my phone. Katie had agreed that there wasn’t much that had been talked about but she couldn’t stop laughing at our pointless joking.
Was I reading too much into this? After all, he was just board as everyone else on the bus slept when he had texted me. Why did I think it was anything more than that? My brain was busy trying to convince me that it was only a friend thing and I did really believe that, but my stupid heart was pierced with a hope that it was more.
I continued my normal routine in life, but it was now dotted with conversations with Joe. Mostly nothing important was ever discussed but I felt a friendship forming. And I knew that’s what it was, a friendship.
——-
——-
“Katie? Do we need more butter?”
She looked up from something in the cart, “Um, ya. And milk. That should be it.”
I placed a tub of butter in the cart and retrieved the milk as Katie got in line. When I returned she was unloading the things onto the counter. She glanced up as I started to help. “Um, Tristan, why don’t you go bag the stuff?”
“Katie I can help here,” it felt as if she was pushing me from something. “What’s up with you?”
“Oh, nothing. I just um…” She bit her lip as my eyes drifted to the magazines next to the counter.
There were all kinds of magazines displaying the half-true troubles of Hollywood but only one caught my eye. It was an Enquiring magazine, split cover with a fighting couple on the front. There were other pictures framing the cover story and the large one it the top right corner drew me in. Joe was holding the hand of a pretty blond girl and they were standing close. The caption read ‘Has Joe Jonas found love?’ My hand went to the magazine and as I picked it up all I could do was stare. After a few seconds of mindless gawking I threw it up on the counter.
“Tristan, are you su…”
“I want to know about that nasty divorce.” I lied.
Katie could see it in my eyes. She paid for the groceries and we left the store. Without a word we loaded the stuff into my car. I had my keys in my hand and I started for the driver’s door. Katie grabbed my hand and swung me around to face her. “You ok?”
I shook my head. My words came out fast, spilling over each other, “I’m fine. Why should that bother me? We’re just friends. He can do what he wants. I’m fine. It’s nothing. I…” I choked on my words.
Katie took the keys from me, “I’ll drive.” She said.
When we got home I helped to unload the car and then went to my room and grabbed my bath robe and towel.
Katie was in the kitchen, putting away our groceries. She didn’t look up when I walked in.
“Katie, I’m getting in the shower.”
She nodded at me and I went into the bathroom.
I turned the water hotter than most could stand and slipped in, letting it run over me. The heat loosened my tightened muscles. I ran my hand over my wet hair and held my neck as I rested my forehead against the wall. As the hot water ran down my back I felt warm tears start to run down my face. Why does this hurt? He’s not mine, just a friend. Why am I acting like someone broke my heart? Stupid girl.
My bath robe clung to me as I opened the door. Steam rolled into the kitchen and blocked my view of what Katie was making.
“Go, go. Don’t look!” She said and continued to jump around the kitchen.
I smiled and walked to my room where I put on my baggy sweats and a t-shirt. I wrapped myself in my night robe and stalked out into the living room. I smelt something amazing coming from the kitchen. “Mmm.” I said, announcing my presence.
Katie looked up and gave me a half smile. “I made spaghetti, extra butter, and some baked chicken with cheese, and some rolls.”
She always knew how to make me feel better. “Very Italian.” I said.
“Very comfort food.” She remarked.
I sighed, now smiling, and sat down. We both served ourselves and started to eat. It was amazingly delicious.
Katie cleared her throat. “Um, do you want to talk about it?”
I sighed and sat down my fork. For a moment I said nothing, then “It hurts. But why?” I looked up at Katie with my eyes pleading, “He’s only my friend. Why should this hurt me?”
Katie scooted closer and took my hand. I could tell she wanted to say something but she held back and let me vent a bit more.
“I mean… I always knew we’re just friends. Why would I let myself think otherwise?”
It was Katie’s turn to sigh. “I don’t pretend to know what I’m talking about when it comes to love anymore, but Tristan, get real.”
I just looked at her, a bit confused with wording. Love?
“Look at yourself. You love him, honey. Anyone could see it. Even Mersades asked me the other day if you were seeing someone.”
“Love?” I whispered.
“Yeah. Love.”
I looked down at my lap, blinking away the tears in my eyes.
“Get some rest.” Katie stood, and brushed some hair back from my face.
———–
It was the weirdest sensation.
There was no mistaking that I was flying. I had never felt so peaceful and happy. My whole life just felt, right. It was the first time I had ever been in love, and it was amazing.
But yet, at the same time, I wasn’t flying at all. I was falling. I was madly in love with a man I knew I could never be with. There was no way our two worlds could mix. Living with people constantly following me was a life I wanted no part of, but it was the life of anyone involved with Joe Jonas.
Somehow I came to terms with the fact that I loved Joe but couldn’t have him and my life again went back to normal for some time.
———–
I hadn’t talked with Joe since about five days before the supermarket. I didn’t know what I would say when we did talk, but I tried not to think of it as I went on with my life.
My phone buzzed. I glanced at it and took a deep breath. It was a message from Joe. Picking it up, I shuddered. It was simple ‘Hey. What’s up?’
‘Not much. What’s up with you? How’s the new girlfriend?’ was my response. Did it sound bitter? I hoped not, I didn’t want to ruin what we did have.
I didn’t really want to know but, as his friend, I decided I should hear what he had to say.
When I got his reply it was ‘Oh. So you saw Enquiring mag.?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Ya.’
The next thing I knew my phone was ringing. Joe was calling me.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey.” It was defiantly Joe.
I didn’t say a thing, though it was obvious that he was anticipating a response.
After I didn’t say anything for a minute he continued. “Will you listen to an explanation?”
I sighed. “Joe you don’t owe me anything. We…”
He cut me off. “I know. But, will you just listen?”
“Ya. Sure. If that’s what you want.”
“Ok.” He took a deep breath. “Let me get all the way through this. I just want you to know, that magazine doesn’t know what it’s talking about. Sara’s not my girlfriend. Never has been never will be.” He paused, waiting for my reaction, but I was going to do as he asked and let him get through this. “She is a friend of the family. Mom’s friend’s daughter. Sara’s like my little sister. Some crazy paparazzi got a picture of me trying to comfort her. Her boyfriend just dumped her. That’s all, I swear.” He took a deep breath and waited. “So?” I could tell I shocked him. “Um… I… Well…”
“Joe, why should that matter to me? You can have a girlfriend if you want. We’re just friends.” All though I tried to hide it I knew that the last words were filled with longing.
“Oh.” Joe said. “Ok. That makes sense.”
Was that disappointment I heard in his voice?
“So.” Was all he could get out.
I tried to ease the mood with a joke and it worked. Soon we were casually joking like normal. I smiled and joked but it was a false front, hiding how, deep inside, I really did love him.
I never knew how empty someone could feel. I had heard what I wanted to hear, but there was a problem. It didn’t change a thing. I could never have him.
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