Part 11-Rain

<---Part 10

It was my mom's birthday and my family was having a barbeque. Joe was sitting next to me in the car as I pulled up to the house.

"So this is it." He said as I parked in the loop out front.

"Ya." I said looking at the house for a minute. "This is home."

We got out of the car and as I shut my door Toby came bounding around the side of the house. Somehow he always knew it was me. "Toby!" I called to him as he started barking happily. Quickly I opened the small gate and he rushed out at me, immediately leaning on my legs. "Oh, Boy!" I rubbed him and he licked me.

Joe got out of the car and Toby cocked his head to the side staring at him. "So this is Toby?" Joe asked as he brushed off the front of his jeans.

"Yup. The one and only." I got down on one knee still petting him. "Toby, this is Joe. We like him."

Bending over Joe extended his hand in greeting to be sniffed. Toby sniffed him a bit then swung his face up licking Joe's hand. "Good boy!" Joe and I chimed together.

As Joe petted Toby I smiled. "Well, the dog likes you. I think the hard part is over."

Joe looked up at me nervously. "Sure." He said looking back at the house.

I stood and reached out and took Joe's hand. Looking into his eyes I smiled. "You'll be fine. Let's go."

Both of us grabbed our presents out of the back seat and I had to smile remembering helping Joe pick something to get my mom. We walked through the gate holding hands and Toby bounded ahead of us, more than like headed to where ever my dad was. My smile grew as we walked down the driveway and I pushed Joe with my shoulder, getting him to smile back. We rounded the back of the house and heard my mom.

"Mark? Do you have the burgers ready to go on the barbeque?"

"Yes Dear." My dad responded.

We couldn't see them but judging by the volume they were both outside, seconds from our vision. I heard Joe swallow as we walked around onto the porch were my parents were moving things around. They weren't expecting anyone yet, it was too early for the party, but I wanted to be there early so that Mom and Dad would be the first to meet Joe.

I cleared my throat. "Hey guys!"

Mom and Dad looked up at me and smiled. I watched as their eyes followed my arm to Joe's then to his face. Shock flashed through their faces as they made the connection. Mom's mouth hung open a bit and Dad's eyes flashed with amusement, I could only wonder what his brain was coming up with.

Mom shook it off. "Hi baby." She still hadn't stopped looking at Joe. I was suddenly extremely glad Joe had picked jeans and a gray t-shirt.

"Happy Birthday!" I said and resumed walking, dragging Joe with me. Releasing Joe's hand I set the present down on the table and hugged my mom. Then I leaned over and kissed my dad on the check. Standing up strait I turned to where I left Joe. He stood tall, present still in his hand. I could see he was a bit nervous but I also saw some excitement in his posture. "Mom, Dad, this is Joe Jonas. My boyfriend."

My mom turned to me. "Did I say you could have a boyfriend?"

"Mom!" I pushed her softly.

"Ok, ok." She said and turned back to Joe.

"Joe, this is my mom, Tammi, and my dad, Mark." I pointed to each in turn.

Joe stepped forward and put his hand out to shake my mom's. When she took his hand he smiled. "Nice to meet you. Happy Birthday!"

"Thank you. Nice to meet you too."

Then Joe tuned to my dad. "Nice to meet you."

Dad shook Joe's hand. "Joe Jonas. Not what I was expecting." Then in the classic Dad nature he made a joke. "I thought you where famous for your tight pants?"

Joe looked a bit confused until I started laughing. Once he realized my dad was joking with him I saw the tension leave his shoulders.

Mom and Dad went back to taking care of what they were doing before. "Come on Joe, let's put these inside."

Joe and I walked into the house and threw the kitchen. "Wow. This is a nice kitchen." Joe said looking around.

I took the present from his hand and placed it with mine at the end of the counter. "Dad built it." I said as I turned back to him.

"Your dad built this?" He was amazed.

I smiled and looked around too. "Ya. It's what he does for a living. He builds cabinets. He built most of what is in this house. Want to see?"

"Ya. That's so cool." I took Joe's hand and started to lead him through my childhood home, showing him everything Dad had built. We got to the back of the house, my room.

I stopped before we entered the room. "So this is my bedroom."

He smiled and playfully nudged me. "Childhood bedroom huh?"

"Well more like my teenage bedroom. It didn't always look the same."

"Let's go. I'm excited."

I looked up at him. "I'm not allowed to have boys in my room, so we can skip this one." I

---------------

"Let's go!" I called to Katie, letting her know that both boys were finally here. Joe walked up to the door and I jumped out of it into his arms.

"Hi." I said as I burrowed my face into his chest. I knew I had a minute or two while we waited for Katie and Rob to join us.

Joe took a deep breath and rocked back and forth a bit. "Hi." He said back. "They here?" He asked.

"Ummhum." I muttered into his chest as I sighed.

"Missed you." He said as he lifted me off my feet.

I yelped a bit and struggled against his grip. "Put me down, Joe."

He chuckled. "No." He said smugly, lifting me higher.

As I flailed my feet around I heard laugher from behind me as Katie and Rob joined us. "Stuck, Tristan?" Katie mocked.

"Ha." I stuck my tongue out at her.

Joe laughed and turned to walk towards the car, still not setting me down. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"A place." Katie said, though it was obvious we weren't going anywhere to spectacular.

Finally when we got to my car Joe sat me down, only because I was the one driving.

---------

Katie was sitting in front of me and I patted my pencil on the notebook in my lap as I looked up at her. "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

She looked up from her book. "Hum?"

"Tomorrow night. Do you have plans?"

"No. Why?"

I smiled. "Does Rob?"

Katie looked at me funny. "I don't think so. Why?"

"Oh… I was wondering if you guys wanted to have a sleep over."

Katie laughed. "How do you mean?"

"Well the J boys are coming over and are going to spend the night. We are having a jamma party. I wanted to know if you and Rob wanted to come."

"I'll be there. I have to check on Rob, though."

"Ok." I chimed happily and turned back to my work.

---------

I shuffled to the door leaving Rob and Katie in the living room. My pajamas swished around my legs and made me smile as I opened the door.

"Sorry we're a bit late." Nick said before I could even open the door all the way.

Kevin laughed. "Joe had to 'get ready'. For a pajama party!"

"It takes a lot to look good. Even going to bed!" Joe defended himself.

"Come in guys." I laughed.

As we all walked into the living room the oven chimed. "Pizza is ready!" Katie called as she jumped happily of the couch and ran to the kitchen.

"Is Katie looking forward to the pizza?" Nick asked as Joe said loudly "YES! PIZZA!"

We all laughed. "Looks like more than one of us is excited." I smiled.

A few minutes later Katie came walking in balancing to extra-large pizzas. "Careful! They are hot!"

(fun games and pizza eating!!!)

"I have an idea!" I declared loudly as the others hunted for their blankets.

They all turned and looked at me, at exactly the same time.

"Ok. That was a bit creepy. Anyway. It's summer right?"

Rob raised an eyebrow at me. "If you are referring to the time of year where it gets hot and you and Katie are off school, then yes."

We all giggled a bit, having lost the enthusiasm to laugh hard.

"Ya. But I mean, why don't we sleep outside? We could sleep on the trampoline!"

Katie's eyes went wide and she smiled. "That would be so cool!"

Joe, having already retrieved his blanket, jumped up and yelled "Last one there is a lazy bum!" With that comment he held his blanket up over his head and let it fan out as her ran for the sliding glass door.

Now frantic we all reached for our blankets and pillows in a sudden race. Mine where next to me so I jumped up in hot pursuit of Joe. He threw the slider opened and darted out to the trampoline, jumping up on it and turning to look at us scrambling after him.

Nick and I scrambled up at the same time and turned to watch the others. Kevin was in last but he put on a burst of speed and as he ran past Katie and Rob he pushed Rob into Katie. We all laughed as they both yelled "HEY!"

Kevin jumped up laughing. Rob managed to climb up before Katie.

"Katie's the lazy bum!" Joe called out as he started to bounce.

"Not fair! You guys pushed me!" She called as she climbed up with us.

"Ya, Kevin." I said defending my friend. In a fluke I hit him with my pillow.

"Hey!" Kevin looked over at me. "Now I'm gonna get you." He started to bounce towards me.

"Oh no you don't!" Joe called as he jumped between us. "Keep your pillow of my girl!" He called as he hit Kevin with his pillow.

We laughed as I turned on Rob. "And you were supposed to defend Katie, not leave it to me." I whacked him.

Katie hit me. "Off my man!"

We all erupted with laughter and started to whack each other.

(PILLOW FIGHT!)

The others had become quite and where breathing deeply. I snuggled a bit closer to Joe and sighed. He reached over and put his arm under my head, pulling me to him.

As I rested my head on his side a song started playing in my head. Softly, so as no one would hear, I started to mumble out the lyrics, not quite singing but not just saying them either.

Joe was staring up at the stars but I could see the corners of his mouth pull back into a smile. "I like that song so far." He said softly to me.

"Do you know it?" I asked.

"Sing it again." He said, listening harder.

My throat constricted and the words froze. "Yum…" Was all that came out.

He looked down at me. "What?"

"I don't sing. I can't sing."

Joe smiled at me. "So?"

I blinked up at him.

"I don't care if you can sing or not. Just as long as it is from your heart."

I smiled and nudged him with my nose. "That's sweet, but I still won't sing. I'll mumble sing for you, but that's it."

He chuckled softly. "Then mumble sing it to me."

I began to softly mumble the song again and when I got three words into the course Joe joined me. He didn't know all the words like I did but he murmured the parts he knew. It was the perfect song for the moment.

Finally we both drifted off to sleep.

In the morning I woke to a sharp yell from Katie.

-------

"Katie?" I crocked. "I need you."

Her voice rang sweetly through the phone. "I'll be right home. I do have a stop to make first… but I'll get there as soon as I can."

We said our goodbyes and hung up. I knew I didn't feel like answering the front door, even for Katie, so I slid off the bed and when to my desk. There I found a pad of sticky notes and a pen. Scribbling out a barely legible note telling Katie to just come in I went to the door and placed it outside. Then I changed into a pair of pajama-pants and a baggy t-shirt and flopped back down on my bed.

I lay there in the silence and stared at the ceiling, keeping my mind as blank as I could. Turning onto my side I saw my iPod sitting in its dock and cringed knowing that the play list was on 'Burnin' Up'. The pain had to be bad before it got any better and I knew I would have to face it at some point so I decided to let myself hear his voice now.

Through most of the songs I held firm but one finally hit me. It felt like someone had punched me in the chest and knocked all the air out. I stated gasping as tears rolled down my face. Culling into a ball I started sobbing.

A soft knock pulled me from my stupor. Katie stood in my door, staring at me with horror filled eyes. She had never seen me this low and I knew it was a shock.

I jumped up to run to my friend but she met me at the end of my bed and threw her arms around me. She held me and started to rock back and forth, stroking my hair and slowly saying "Shh… It's all right… I'm here… Shh…"

My chest heaved uncontrollably as I broke down in her arms.

-------

I wrapped my robe tighter around me as I pushed a chair up to the window sill. Rain had been pouring down all night and showed no sign of stopping. As I sat down and leaned onto the sill I let out a sigh that turned into a muffled sob. This was going to be harder than I thought.

My iPod was set to repeat a song that seemed to narrate my current situation. The volume was low and I only had one ear-bud in so I could also sense the silence of the early morning around me. I scrunched my face up as tears rolled down my cheeks and sobs trembled through my body. I watched the rain fall for a while and was able to bottle the hurt and stop the tears.

Time had no relevance to me and I don't know how long I sat there, motionless, staring out at the raindrops hitting the ground. Beauty, sorrow, joy, and pain were all contained in these simple drops of water that fell from the sky. In that instance, I was one of those rain drops, small, insignificant, falling.

Sock covered feet made muffled footsteps that came up the hall. I didn't turn my head, or move at all for that matter, as Katie entered the room. She stood there for a while before she proceeded into the kitchen. Neither of us spoke a word as she rummaged around the kitchen, getting things from cupboards, using the microwave and stirring things around.

After a few minutes she came and placed a mug in front of me on the window sill. Hot chocolate swirled around in a dark mug. Katie leaned in and gently kissed the top of my head and turned to leave.

"Even the sky is crying." I managed to mumble.

Katie half turned back to me, looking sadly at me. After a moment she softly whispered "love you." Then she turned and headed back to her room.

Placing both hands around the mug I brought it up to my face and inhaled. The smell was immensely comforting and I slowly brought the mug to my lips, letting the scolding liquid pour into my mouth and flow down my throat.

It took a while for me to drain the hot chocolate. I stared down at my now empty mug and swirled it around. Sighing I stood and went to the kitchen to put my cup in the sink. I ran some water in it then returned to the living room.

My eyes were heavy and I felt extremely groggy. I hadn't slept in nearly twenty-four hours and I wasn't sure I could yet. In the nearly five hours I had spent yesterday crying with Katie I now realized I hadn't told her everything that happened. In fact, thinking back, I found I had been very vague about what was actually said. I had just told her the basics, cried and muttered my ponderings about what this all meant and where we were going.

I wasn't strong enough yet to talk about everything we said, but I wanted Katie to know. We both often found a reprieve in the written word so I grabbed my laptop and sat on the couch. Once I started I couldn't stop. It was as if it flowed freely from me, needing to escape, taking on a life of its own.

Katie returned to find me sitting on the couch, laptop at my feet, file open and ready to be read. She sat and placed my laptop in her lap and started reading. Waiting for her to finish I placed my head on the couch and closed my eyes, not failing to hear as she scrolled through the pages.

-----

I stood on the dock with Katie and Melissa. Looking out over the ocean I sighed and let the music that poured from the restaurant fill my ears. Melissa and Katie where talking about something but my head was in a completely different place as I let the words slowly and softly fall from my lips. I tried not to let the fact that this song was narrating my life bring tears to my eye.

"Tristan?" Melissa's voice cut through my daze.

"Ya?" I quickly turned back to them.

Melissa was staring at me. Puzzled, Katie's eyes were filled with a sad understanding. "Are you ok?" Melissa asked.

I sighed. How would I explain this? "I broke up with my boyfriend."

"I'm sorry." Melissa reached over and patted my hand. "What happened?"

I loved Melissa, and I knew that she just wanted to help but I had been praying that she didn't ask that question.

"We… both did some stupid and hurtful things. It didn't help that we used those things against each other in a stupid, pointless fight." I looked back out over the rolling waves.

"It sounds like you still want to be with him and that you didn't mean to hurt him. Have you tried to make up?"

Sweet girl, she always saw through me. "I'm still in love with him. But I can't take back my words, and I wouldn't want to. They may have been hurtful and stupid but they where the truth. We both need time to learn from this."

She sighed. "Just don't let something good escape because you're proud." She smiled softly.

Katie chimed in. "You can be a quite proud person. Don't let that blind you. Trust me."

I smiled at them, though I had to force the action a bit. "Thanks you guys. I'm hoping we can get past this, but now's really not the time."

As the days pasted it was hard to pull myself out of the slump I had fallen into. I was trying to move past this. Maybe it wasn't right after all; maybe it was the right thing to do by ending it. Still I felt myself falling into a downward spiral. On the outside I was cordial but not quite my normal self, because in side I was screaming.

Part 12--->

Part 10-A Mother and a Father

<---Part 9

I shifted the phone to my other ear, rolling my eyes and smiled at Joe. "Ya, Mom. I know, I know. Ya we'll be there." I slid my phone closed.

"So." Joe said. "What's up at home?"

"Well…" I smiled, trying to be cute and persuasive. "How would you like to come home with me and meat my parents?"

Joe smiled happily. "Ok." He leaned back in his chair. "That sounds like fun. Why haven't we done that already?"

"I'm kind of scared to bring you home…" I admitted.

As I said this Joe furrowed his brow. He looked sort of hurt or offended. "Why?" His voice was soft.

"Joe…" I sat down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's not like that." Gently I brushed a piece of hair from his face and kissed his check.

"Well then what is it? If you're not ashamed of me, why are you afraid to have me meet your parents?"

"Well. My mom, actually. She never really liked the Jonas Brothers." I half smiled at him. "But she doesn't really know you. I'm sure it will work out."

His expression went from a blank stare to one of mild panic. "She doesn't like me?" He nearly whispered.

I laughed softly. "No silly. She doesn't know you." I nuzzled him with my nose.

He looked at me. "You sure it'll be ok?"

"Yes." I was convincing myself too. "She'll learn to like you if I do." Getting off the couch I went to get some snacks. When I got back I found Joe sitting with his chin resting on his hands. "You ok?"

"What if she doesn't like me?"

"Joe, it'll be fine." I sat next to him and handed him a bowl of popcorn. The humor was in the fact that I had intended him to comfort me about bringing him home, but now I was trying to reassure him.

"I have to make a good impression. What should I where?" He asked.

I smiled at him. "Anything but skinny jeans."

Horror flashed across his face. "But… then…" He turned to me. "Help me."

As hard as I tried I couldn't stop laughing. "Ya. I'll help."

A few days later I stood looking at Joe's closet. I was slightly dumbfounded. His closet was as big as, if not a bit bigger than, my room and filled with all kinds of clothes. "Joe…" I knew my mouth was hanging open but 

I didn't care. "These are just your clothes?"

"Ya. Well, I might have one or two of Kevin or Nick's shirts but it's pretty much all mine." He smiled at me as he walked up behind me. "Do you like it?"

"Uh, Ya!" I took a step into the massive room.

"So what should I where?"

I looked at him. "You're kidding me, right? You want me to pick from all of this?" I pointed to everything around me.

He laughed. "Umhum."

Looking around I sighed and crossed my arms. "This is going to take me a while."

"Need my help?"

I brushed some hair from my eyes. Smiling I said, "Come back in an hour if I haven't come and found you." 

Then I proceeded into the depths of the closet.

He left me alone with his multitude of clothes, shoes, hats, and other accessories. As I searched I could help but jokingly try things on. Within the hour I picked three outfits for Joe to choose from. I had also 

tried at least twenty things on.

I was sitting on the floor next to one of the outfits when Joe returned. Looking up, I blushed as he walked in. I was wearing my t-shirt and jeans but I also had on one of his vests, a tie, a pair of his striped socks, and a hat. "Hi." I said, slightly embarrassed.

Joe smiled and leaned in the door frame. "That has to be the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"Oh…" I pointed my toe and gripped my knees. I bit my lip and looked up at him.

"So did you find me something to where?"

"Yep. Well, one of these three will be ok." I smiled up at him. Then I stood and strolled over to him. Taking the hat from my head I put it on his and furrowed my brow. "No." I took it back. "It looks better on me."

He laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist.

-----

Robert had his head bent over in my bathroom sink. Warm water was running out of the faucet and I was scrubbing the shampoo out of his hair.

He gave a fake sigh and then chuckled.

I laughed, "Almost done." I assured him.

The doorbell rang.

I popped my head out the bathroom door. "Come on in!" I hollered.

"Is that Sam?" he asked as I turned off the water.

"Must be." I answered grabbing a towel and drying my hands.

Sam was Robert's best friend and he had assisted me in finally convincing Robert to actually wash his hair. Robert would only agree if I were the one who washed it. I rolled my eyes remembering his expression. Sam had gone to the store to get some moose or hair gel to try and do something with Robert's hair when we were finished.

Robert flung his head up out of the sink showering me and most of the bathroom with water.

"Hey!"

Water ran down his back as he laughed out loud. I threw another towel at his head. He took it and began drying his hair as he walked out of the bathroom. I turned and started to dry the walls.

"Tristan'll kill you if this ruins anything." and I began laughing again.

"Hey Sam what'd you-" he stopped in the middle of his sentence.

I looked out the door and couldn't see him. So I put down the towel and walked out.

Robert was standing stalk still staring at the person in the living room. I stopped behind him and froze.

It wasn't Sam.

Whether my heart stopped or began to beat so fast that it became numb, I couldn't tell.

Michael Dotson stood in the middle of my living room on the other side of the couch. He looked confused and shy, but perked up when our eyes met. His features were exactly the same as they were in my memory of more than two years ago, but he was a complete stranger to me. I had never really known him in the first place.

"Hey." he gave a somewhat pathetic smile.

My heart propelled to the back of my rib cage as hard is it could, if I wasn't frozen I would have staggered. His voice echoed in my head as memories flashed by, I didn't want to see any of them.

Neither Robert nor I responded.

Michael frowned. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes." Robert said curtly as I answered, "No," I frowned curiously at Robert. "We were just finishing up." I said.

I smiled softly at Michael. "Um...why don't you sit down?" I started to walk forward surprised that my legs could move.

I was walking passed Robert when he gently grabbed my wrist. I looked at his face, his expression was angry and concerned at the same time.

"Why don't you go finish drying off?" I said to him.

He looked like he was going to refuse and I squeezed his wrist gently.

He sighed frustrated through his nose and walked away toward my room where some of his spare clothes were. I knew he wouldn't be gone for long.

I went to sit in the living room and was grateful that Michael had taken the lone chair. I could sit on the couch and not get too close without it seeming obvious.

I really didn't know what to say and I was extremely worried about why he was here.

After a while of silence and both of us studying our hands or the floor he glanced up at the same time I did.

"How are you?" he stammered.

It took me a second to answer, "I'm all right. School, work." I shrugged.

He nodded.

"So, how have you been?" I asked with worried eyes. I wanted to know, but I was also afraid of his answer.

"Okay." He said without looking up.

Silence again.

I bit my lip and looked around the room trying to think of something to say.

He looked about as awkward as I felt.

There was a crucial question I wanted to ask, but I was hesitant; it could lead to the subject I was sure we were both avoiding or frightened of.

"Why are you here?" I let the words through my lips having no other option.

He and I looked up, but still not at me. He was still staring at the carpet, but his eyes were distant.

"A...number of reasons." he finally said.

Then he got up out of the chair. "I'll go get one of them."

Before I could question or protest, he was back out of the front door.

What could he possibly-

A different memory came to me of a dream I had had once years ago...

Panic began to rise in my chest, but I pushed it back and replaced it with somewhat removed sadness. I had no reason to care anymore.

Robert emerged then, "Is he gone?" he asked strain still visible on his face.

I shook my head. At that instant the door opened again and Michael walked in.

"Katie, I'd like you to meet Luke."

I stood and walked toward him as he reentered the living room and met him in the middle. In his arms was the brown-haired child from my dream, but he wasn't the infant I had seen.

Michael held Luke out to me and I took him gingerly. Once he was securely in my arms, I turned my back on the rest of them and walked over to the couch keeping my eyes on the small life form in my arms.

Luke stared at me curiously studying everything about me within his vision. Then with tiny hands he reached out and grabbed hold of my necklace with one, the other he took a lock of my hair.

I smiled brightly at him. "Hi." I cooed.

He grinned at me with a nearly toothless grin and I saw the faces of his grandmother and father. His hazel eyes lit up.

I sat down on the couch not moving my gaze.

"How old is he?" I nearly whispered.

"Almost two years." came the answer.

I continued to smile as Luke tugged on my hair a little.

"Is he...yours?" I asked although I was already pretty sure of the answer.

"Yeah."

I couldn't help but smile brighter.

"He's beautiful." my voice broke as the tears overwhelmed me.

I was crying for many reasons, but the only one I would ever admit to myself or anyone else was the beauty and miracle of the little child.

 I kissed his soft head and a few drops fell on his head. I wiped them off.

There was an incoherent mumble and I looked up just in time to see Robert punching Michael in the face.

I was too stunned to react and so was Michael. Robert was speaking again and furiously in a language I didn't understand. Then Michael answered him in the same tongue. I could only assume that it was German.

They grabbed each other's shirts and before I could say anything the fight broke out.

"Stop it."

My voice was weak as they kept hitting each other, all the while yelling and hissing at the other. I couldn't understand a word they were saying.

Robert tackled Michael and the both fell to the floor. Once he got Robert off of him he jumped to his feet again.

Luke made a distressed sound in my lap. This wasn't good for him. I set him on the floor safely and then stood up. As horrified as I was, I knew this had to stop.

They were less than a foot from each other breathing in quick short bursts, glaring and fuming.

I walked over and stood in between them facing Robert.

"Robert, stop it now." I looked at him seriously, but he wouldn't look at me.

"Just let us deal with this." Michael said behind me and took hold of my arm and began to move me out of the way.

"Don't touch her!" Robert snarled, jumping forward pushing him away, but knocking me down with Michael instead.

I fell on top of him and he caught me holding me there. It shook my head a little too much, so I stayed were I was with my eyes closed, trying to make sure I wasn't dizzy when I opened them.

When I did I was looking straight into Michael's shocked face.

Had this happened three, maybe two, years ago and our faces were that close, I would surely have been overwhelmed by the desire to close that distance.

Michael stared, I blinked. Neither of us was breathing.

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Robert said walking toward us.

I got up slowly.

"I'm fine." I said, purposely sounding frustrated.

Robert came and put his arms around me, muttering more apologies as Michael began to stand.

"Are you two done?" I asked straightening my shirt.

Robert scowled at the floor like he was trying to set it on fire.

"Not really." Michael muttered.

"Why not?" I calmly demanded.

"You don't know what he said." Michael answered his voice shrill.

"Oh, grow up!" I turned on him.

"Katie, do you understand-" Robert began.

"Yes," I interrupted "Yes, Robert I do understand." I made my voice calm. "I've known for a long time now."

"You knew?" Robert asked, stunned.

Michael looked away.

"I at least guessed as much. And I had had a dream about Luke." I picked him up off of the floor and sat back down on the couch. He had been content with the carpet.

"Michael," I said sweetly getting him to look at me. "You haven't finished telling me why you're here."

Michael closed his eyes and sighed. Robert watched me, still stunned. I motioned him to sit next to me and he came stroking Luke's head for a moment when he did.

Michael sat in the chair again.

"I missed you." He started; I kept my eyes on Luke slipping my thumbs in his tiny hands.

"But I knew I had messed up way too much to even ask for your forgiveness,"

"That's not true," I interrupted, but he didn't hear me.

"But I thought you deserved to know." We looked at each other then, and knew from his expression that this was hard for him, I had seen it before.

Michael spent the next hour telling me about his life the past three years. Robert stayed next to me supportively and didn't comment, which I was grateful for.

"I'm sorry." He finished.

"I do forgive you Michael, but-"

"But you don't love me anymore, do you?" he finished and he wouldn't look at me.

I didn't answer right away, but when I did it was the truth.

"Not the same way I had in the beginning. I mean, I still care. I don't hate you or anything, I just don't love you. But I still want you to have the best of everything including yourself. I want you to be happy."

Neither Michael nor Robert responded, so I continued.

"It never could have been the same anyway. After the first time I doubted you; lost my trust. It wouldn't have worked. We wouldn't have been truly happy." I was almost beginning him to say something; I was so worried that I was hurting him. "I messed up too, when we were fighting and after too. I also had to deal with rumors and accusations those few years and some were hard to deny. Eventually I was pretty sure you had stopped waiting, but I let myself hang on to hope no matter how ridiculous or horrible that final rumor was. I was still so blind to everything hanging on to the past that I knew deep down could never be again. Then in the first semester of my senior year it was like I woke up. I hadn't done anything I was just sitting on my grandparents' couch and I realized that I felt different." I looked up at the ceiling remembering the feeling. I breathed, "It was like a weight had suddenly disappeared off my shoulders, it surprised me. And I sat there figuring out why I was feeling so free. I just sat there for a long time searching through all the things that had been weighing me down, nothing was different, but something inside me had changed. Then I saw your face in my head and felt nothing. No anxiety, no longing. I knew that was it. I wasn't worrying about you. You...weren't at the forefront of my thoughts anymore."

By now Luke had fallen asleep in my lap and sighed in his sleep.

"I wasn't tied to you anymore. I don't know what caused it; if it was time, or realization of your actions, or realizing that I had a bigger dream or needed something more. I just found myself there."

There was silence once I finished.

"Are you happy?" Michael asked finally looking me in the eyes.

"Are you?" I asked because a part of my peace depended on his wellbeing.

He sat up and gazed at the ceiling, pondering.

"Yes." he answered, his eyes resting on Luke.

I smiled, proud of his reason, holding Luke's small and warm body to my chest.

"I am too." I said.

Robert took my hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb.

"Good." Michael said standing. "I should be getting Luke home and fed."

I stood too and carefully handed Luke to him. "How's your dad?" I asked.

Michael smiled to himself, "Oh, he's fine."

"That's all I needed to know."

Michael turned to walk away as Robert came to my side. Michael stopped and looked back at me from the corner of his eye, smiled and turned his head away. We followed him to the door.

"Maybe we could get everyone together sometime." Robert said.

"Yeah, sure." Michael answered.

"Same number right?" I asked.

He laughed, "Yeah."

"I'll give you a call sometime." I assured him. "Take care of everyone."

Michael was heading toward his car and waved without turning around, Luke still completely out on his shoulder.

I turned and went back inside. Robert closed the door behind me. I laid my hand on the back of the couch and held the keys around my neck. Robert wrapped his arms around me again.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah." I said. "Want to know how I know?"

"Mmhmm." he answered putting his cheek against my own.

"When we fell and I was that close to him and touching...I felt nothing. But when you're that close," I took his hand and put it on my other cheek. "And when you touch me..." I didn't need to finish, he understood what I meant.

I reached back and removed my keys, setting them down on the nearby table. Then I turned around in his arms to see him smiling warmly at me.

Sam walked in then, but neither of us noticed. My hands were in his clean hair as I kissed him and I felt perfectly fine, perfectly happy.

Part 11--->